5 Sentence-Folding Fixes

5 Sentence-Folding Fixes 5 Sentence-Folding Fixes 5 Sentence-Folding Fixes By Mark Nichol Does your last piece of writing feel flat, static, repetitive? Is a soporific sentence rhythm dulling your edge? Combining sentences is an easy solution for making your prose flow more smoothly and briskly. 1. â€Å"The logging practices of the time were extraordinarily wasteful. They involved cutting and then burning in order to clear the logged area of limbs and other forest debris.† The second sentence neatly folds into the first between the subject and the verb: â€Å"The logging practices of the time, which involved cutting and then burning in order to clear the logged area of limbs and other forest debris, were extraordinarily wasteful.† 2. â€Å"Smith completed his report in September 1950. It represented five years of work.† The second, shorter sentence here is easily folded into the first, but how it should be done depends on the emphasis. If the duration of the project should be emphasized, then work the completion date into a parenthetical phrase: â€Å"Smith’s report, completed in September 1950, represented five years of work.† If the completion date is more important, parenthesize the project duration: â€Å"Smith’s report, representing five years of work, was completed in September 1950.† In either case, reserve the more important information for the end of the sentence. 3. â€Å"The book’s author, Jane Smith, was a well-established, award-winning author. Jones and his advisers tried hard but failed to keep the book from being published.† The information about Smith, which follows a first reference to the book in question, is the kind of detail that is important but does not merit a separate sentence. However, if the preceding sentence is already complex (as was the case here), work it parenthetically into the next reference to the book: â€Å"Jones and his advisers tried hard but failed to keep the book, written by Jane Smith, a well-established, award-winning author, from being published.† (This is a natural fit, because the author’s status likely had some impact on the failure to suppress the book’s publication.) The sentence could be further compressed by inserting the writer’s qualities before her name, rather than after it: â€Å"Jones and his advisers tried hard but failed to keep the book, written by well-established, award-winning author Jane Smith, from being published.† 4. â€Å"They needed $40,000 to qualify their bid proposal. To raise that amount, they wrote to people who had visited the area.† The combine these sentences, simply replace â€Å"that amount,† the second reference to the monetary figure, with the first reference, and adjust the syntax of the first statement: â€Å"To raise the $40,000 they needed to qualify their bid proposal, they wrote to people who had visited the area.† 5. â€Å"The new bill was 157 pages long and described 150 projects in more than 200 congressional districts in forty-four states. The total cost was a tidy $1.8 billion.† Forms of the lifeless verb â€Å"to be† (is, was, were, and so on) serve as red flags marking sentences that merit revision. The classic fix for the two-sentence template â€Å"This was that. This was that.† follows: Replace the first â€Å"to be† verb with a comma, and change the form of the second verb and replace the period with another comma; these actions convert what follows was in the first sentence into a parenthetical phrase. Then, jettison the first two words of the second sentence and the second â€Å"to be† verb, which transforms cost from a noun to a verb: â€Å"The new bill, 157 pages long and describing 150 projects in more than 200 congressional districts in forty-four states, cost a tidy $1.8 billion.† Find more examples of how to combine sentences in this post. Want to improve your English in five minutes a day? Get a subscription and start receiving our writing tips and exercises daily! Keep learning! Browse the Style category, check our popular posts, or choose a related post below:10 Grammar Mistakes You Should AvoidHow to Play HQ Words: Cheats, Tips and TricksWhile vs. Whilst

Appositives and Descriptions

Appositives and Descriptions Appositives and Descriptions Appositives and Descriptions By Mark Nichol Writers easily confuse an appositive (a descriptive word or phrase that is equivalent to a person, place, or thing that is named) with a phrase that simply describes a person, place, or thing named, or create confusion by incorrectly wording or punctuating an appositive or a description. The following sentences demonstrate various types of such errors. 1. My name is John Smith, product manager for Global Tetrahedron. This construction creates the impression that â€Å"product manager for Global Tetrahedron† is part of John Smith’s name. That part of the sentence must be made distinct from the main clause as the basis of a separate independent clause (â€Å"My name is John Smith, and I am product manager for Global Tetrahedron†) or the subject must be reworded so that the sentence generically identifies John Smith rather than specifying what supposedly constitutes his name (â€Å"I am John Smith, product manager for Global Tetrahedron†). 2. Jane Jones, president of World Wide Widgets announced that the company will consolidate its product line. The phrase â€Å"president of World Wide Widgets† is an appositive of â€Å"Jane Jones† (Jane Jones is the president of World Wide Widgets, and the president of World Wide Widgets is Jane Jones), so one must be set off parenthetically from the other: â€Å"Jane Jones, president of World Wide Widgets, announced that the company will consolidate its product line.† 3. Jeb Bush’s presence in the race and his fund-raising potential werent enough to dissuade fellow Floridian, Senator Marco Rubio, and more than a dozen other Republicans from entering the race. Inclusion of a comma between a descriptive phrase and the noun or noun phrase it describes, as shown here, is a rampant uncorrected error that encourages even more writers to make the mistake. The problem is the resemblance of a simple descriptive phrase such as â€Å"fellow Floridian† to an appositive phrase such as â€Å"a fellow Floridian,† which is parenthetical and therefore expendable without sacrificing comprehension or completeness. However, â€Å"Fellow Floridian† cannot be excised from the sentence, nor can â€Å"Senator Marco Rubio,† which has been treated as an optional parenthetical. To resolve the problem, delete the parenthetical commas (but also delete Senator, which competes with â€Å"fellow Floridian† as a descriptor) or simply insert a before â€Å"fellow Floridian† (and retain Senator): â€Å"Jeb Bush’s presence in the race and his fund-raising potential werent enough to dissuade fellow Floridian Marco Rubio and more than a dozen other Republicans from entering the race† or â€Å"Jeb Bush’s presence in the race and his fund-raising potential werent enough to dissuade a fellow Floridian, Senator Marco Rubio, and more than a dozen other Republicans from entering the race.† Want to improve your English in five minutes a day? Get a subscription and start receiving our writing tips and exercises daily! Keep learning! Browse the Grammar category, check our popular posts, or choose a related post below:12 Signs and Symbols You Should KnowTaser or Tazer? Tazing or Tasering?List of 50 Compliments and Nice Things to Say!